“Say sorry for who you are once and you’ll never stop apologizing for it.”

“You.”

“You.”

“I need you to apologize.”

“But what am I apologizing for?”

“You hurt me.  You screamed at me and cursed at me.”

“I was hurt.”

“So was I.”

“So were we all.”

“Why can’t you just swallow your pride and say you’re sorry?”

Because I’ve swallowed it so many times.  I swallowed it for years for the benefit of watching you squander it all away.  I apologized for overstepping my bounds that you set, even when I didn’t want to.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  You stole him from me.”

…Stole?”

“…”

…stole.”

“Fine.  I’ll apologize.  I’m sorry.  For all the times I smiled and let it go, and all the times I apologized for getting too close.  I’m sorry for being upset over something so simple as a betrayal of my trust from my friends.  I’m sorry I ached and hurt, and I’m sorry I got scared of the idea of feeling something so deep.  I’m sorry I ran away and hurt him to begin with.  I’m sorry.  I’m so very sorry.”

You’re mean.”

“But you knew that.”

I guess I just ignored it.”

Ignored it.  She ignored who I was the entire time because it never was problematic.  But now I’m cruel because I took action and she didn’t like it.  I could say I’m sorry, but I can’t lie anymore.  I’m not sorry.  I’m so happy that I was finally special enough to someone to be picked first.  My entire life, I had been used to being a secondary option to the person next to me.  Always picked last in games, always turned down for my best friend, always feeling I wasn’t ever good enough.  I felt like that item with a dent in it.  Always pushed a little more towards the back until I’m the only one left and someone has to take me.  I started apologizing for myself a long time ago, so it just became a habit to say it when someone gave me a strange look.  I can’t apologize anymore.  It would be an insult to the few people who decided to put me first in their lives.  It would be as if to say their taste was sour.  I won’t swallow my pride anymore for the sake of another.  I won’t wait on the side until someone is done, or stay when someone asks to be alone with their friends.  I refuse to be a secondary option to anyone, even a princess.  Princes and princesses are on the same level, after all.  I have the right to stand toe to toe with those around me and never say sorry because someone bumped into me and got hurt.  I’m not sorry. I never was.

 

“…I guess you should open your eyes then.”

Self portrait-prince

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