“I’m not going to wait on some man to tell me who I should be.”

I keep hearing people around me talk about getting married and falling in love and having kids, when they’re about 16 years old.  Now, am I saying that’s a bad thing? No, I’m really not.  If one of your dreams is that then I’m all for you going for it.  What I’m more concerned about is these girls who have this idealized version of marriage, because a lot of times that will easily lead to misconceptions on what marriage is and why you get married.  There is a fine line between loving someone and wanting to make them better and trying to change someone to fit the idea in your head.  So, here are some common pitfalls young girls often fall into when they’re in love.

  1. Moving too fast in their head.  You cannot immediately jump to “we’ll be married have lots of kids” when you are so young.  Just enjoy their presence right now and focus on your schoolwork young lady.
  2. Believing that have to do whatever he wants to keep him around.  If a guy is pressuring you into having sex with him and says he’ll leave you if you don’t, then let him leave.  You do not want to be in a relationship where you do not have a say in things that belong to you, especially your body.
  3. Justifying a relationship to others.  If your friends are telling you things, you do not have to justify your actions to them.  Just understand that they are giving you their opinion and you just need to listen.
  4. Not understanding their own feelings before entering a relationship.  A lot of girls don’t even understand what love is, so they’ll get in over their heads and end up hurting themselves.  Always make sure you know your feelings before getting involved with someone.
  5. Not understanding the guy you’re dating isn’t perfect.  I know it sounds weird to say that, but it is something girls need to understand (and guys for that matter).  He isn’t perfect and you’re never going to be able to shape him into this mold of prince charming.

My biggest thing about being in love is that you have to be very careful about not trying to change yourself or the other person to fit your idealized visions.  There is no fairy tale.  It’s reality.  It’s life.  Does that mean life can’t be like a fairy tale? No, it just means that he’s just a man, not some perfect thing.  He’ll make mistakes, say things that upset you, and you’ll fight.  Marriage isn’t rainbows all the time.  It’s fighting and working it out.  The world is hard, and you can’t just give up because stuff gets hard.

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